white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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