I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
