My balls are so social today.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he fucked my hip out of place.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
