i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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