That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
