I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
