My first STD was from a foam party
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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