There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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