I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
