Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
