something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
