Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
