Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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