my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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