He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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