I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
