Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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