mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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