Plan B is the new Plan A
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
