Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
