I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
