But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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