I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
