Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
