We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
