I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
