Will you blow on my dice?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
