apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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