they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
