3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
