The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
