please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
