the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
