can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
