think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
