I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
