Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
