you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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