There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
