ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you never un-have a 4some
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
