I heard we made out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
