problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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