My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
