If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
