you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
