tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
