You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
