Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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