i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
