with your own penis?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
