she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
