I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
