Need sex. Gaining weight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize