Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
