i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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