Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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