My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My life is pants optional.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
