you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
