you guys were way drunker than both of me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
