i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
