There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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