I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
