he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
