everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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