the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
