she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
