Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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