We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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