Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
