Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
