I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize