She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dear god my vagina.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
