Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
