eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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